You really coming over, don't trick.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
