He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
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