One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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