I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
