i wish my penis had a tongue
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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