Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
