my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
