I saw his package. It spoke to me.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
