OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Randomize
