OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
