If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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