Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
