I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
