I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
