No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
