If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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