i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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