throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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