How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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