Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize
