Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
