All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize