Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
