Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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