I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
