I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Another day, another engagement, another cat
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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