marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
