You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
