I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
