Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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