Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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