Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I came so hard my ears popped.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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