Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
