I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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