I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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