did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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