Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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