Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
