how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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