be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
high people should be assigned attendants
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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