I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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