Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
