Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize
