this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
