Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
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