Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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