girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
