Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
