dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Randomize
