i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
