the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
