I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
