saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
