You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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