fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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