oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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