It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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