I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
