OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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