How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
