Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
