He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
