my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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