I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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