6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
