There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Randomize
