A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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