I need help removing her.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
