I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
