Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
