I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
