I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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