Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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