in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
