The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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