i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
