I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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